A New Kingdom

After a long absence I finally have a fancy new putor - an I Mac no less and access to t'internet. I've still not managed to work the Mac bit of the fancy new putor though! From the title you've probably guessed I'm now in Saudi, we're in our villa with at long last all our things around us. It's been an eventful few months I can tell you, and I will but I must catch up first. I notice the pictures have all disappeared, no idea why but I'll find out and restore them..... If I can work this blasted Mac that is.....

The worst things about Dubai

In writing this I’ve realised that I’ll never be allowed out of the country should I post it whilst still here. Though very open in some ways, the Dubai authorities do not take criticism well, so though this was written over a couple of days at the beginning of July 2006, it’s only being posted now.

This was actually much harder to decide than the best; there are quite frankly so many frustrating things about living here it was hard deciding what to include! Now before you all start getting up in arms telling me to pack my bags and leave, trust me when I say I could name just as many bad things about living in Blighty. Like anywhere you live there are things about that place you dislike, downright hate or drive you slowly round the bend. And remember visiting for a holiday or a business trip is NOTHING like living in a place. So in my humble opinion these are the worst things in no particular order…

Racism
Many people may be surprised at the amount of racism in Dubai; it’s portrayed to be such a multicultural society, but trust me it is evident EVERYWHERE! From the door policies of bars and nightclubs, to job recruitment and wages, from the letters pages of the local paper, to the treatment of your fellow residents, it’s sometimes excruciating to see the levels of intolerance due to nationality. Dubai has a racial pecking order, in many ways similar and as complicated the Caste system in India; I could write a novel on it. As a white Brit and my colour unfortunately is very relevant here, I have suffered little racism, but it’s EXACTLY because I am white and a Brit that I have suffered so little. I’m sorry to say that my cousins from the subcontinent are not so lucky.

The driving
It is hard to imagine how bad, inconsiderate, arrogant, dangerous, oblivious, aggressive, crazy, stupid, and fast people drive here. To put this into perspective according to Dubai RTA in 2005 a staggering 300,000 cars were involved in accidents on the city’s roads injuring 2330 people and killing 236, 100 of whom were pedestrians. This equates to a per capita of 17 deaths per 100,000, making Dubai’s roads some of the most dangerous in the world. Not to bore you with stats too much but it’s interesting to note that 88% of the car accidents were caused by male drivers, 25.12% were locals, 25.12 % were Pakistanis and 18.96 % Indians. I don’t want to stereotype but its hard not to when you talk about Dubai’s driving public. You have several categories of driver here none of them very good, it’s impossible to determine which is more dangerous as in their way they all cause way too many deaths on our roads. Here are some of the drivers you may come across on the roads.....

The Habibi – normally driving a Land Cruiser with blacked out windows. They opt for an almost horizontal driving position, one hand on the wheel the other holding their phone. You spot them in your rear view mirror, flashing their headlights and speeding towards your rear bumper. If you can’t get out of the way they will drive so close to you that you can no longer see their still flashing headlights, then overtake you on the hard shoulder at 150 KPH or swerve across 3 lanes and undertake the entire highway. Impossible to avoid once on your bumper so if possible move when at least 2KM away, and keep your eyes peeled.

Supermum – normally driving a Prado or Porsche Cayene. They adopt the side-on driving position, one hand on the wheel the other fixing their Shayla/lipstick/phone whilst talking to the kids in the backseat. The kids will never be in child seats or wearing seatbelts, and quite often they’ll be on mum’s knee in the drivers’ seat. They sit at green lights too busy with other matters to notice, then just before they change screech through making rude hand gestures to the frustrated honking drivers behind. Beware them on highway as they have a tendency to lane drift.

Just of the plane – normally driving a Nissan Sunny or a clapped out Honda. They assume the hugging wheel driving position, both hands and head on the steering wheel. Rarely carrying less than 4 passengers squashed into the backseat, they have two very different driving styles; the slowly slowly better better (SSBB), or the faster faster better better (FFBB). SSBB will hog the middle lane, moving over at the last minute to exit the highway, and if traffic is busy will actually stop until space for them to change lanes appears. FFBB will drive about 2 millimetres from your bumper, believing there are fuel efficiencies to be made driving in someone else’s slipstream. Both driving styles have a tendency to lane drift, normally when the driver nods off, and have no idea how to merge into moving traffic, so the stop then go merging style is preferred. Rarely are lights or indicators used, again this reduces fuel consumption. Beware them on the highway at night, if they miss their exit they will reverse down the highway to rectify.

The Trucker – driving well obviously HGVs, but also busses, they prefer the 360degree driving stance. One hand on the wheel, the other eating their shawarma, head in perpetual circular motion chatting to their passengers, or checking out female drivers from their elevated position, though rarely do they look at the road or its other users. Their driving style is dependant on what they drive, the HGV will be driven at a very slow speed on the highway, but never stops, not for roundabouts, give way signs, traffic lights or pedestrians. Once on the city streets the HGV will be driven at breakneck speed, but again rarely do they stop. The bus will be driven at breakneck speed at all times, they will stop but only on the hard shoulder to pick up passengers who flag them down anywhere and everywhere, corners will always be taken on two wheels. Both driving styles prefer the left lane to go right and the right lane to go left, and the all the way around the roundabout in the outside lane option. Avoid them at all costs anytime!

Racerboy – driving any expensive sports car or wannabe sports car with go faster stripes and fins, courtesy of their normally absent fathers. Racerboys adopt a plethora of driving stances, but can be identified by one very common dominator; speed! Like their hero the Habibi they favour the flashing headlight, though prefer to weave in and out of lanes in aggressive manoeuvres so you don’t ever actually see their flashing headlights as they squeeze into the 2 millimetre stopping distance the car behind you has left, causing them to slam on and 6 cars back a 4 car pile-up. Your escape from the racerboy is hampered by his mate being in the next lane with window down chatting to your bumper-buddy! Your only option, pray….

Please note that whilst all these things I have witnessed with my own eyes here in Dubai and the statistics are true and very, very scary, I’m being a little tongue in cheek with my driver categories. And I’m not saying that ‘Westerners’ are better or safer drivers, I think that we’ve had more years of road safety drilled into our sub-conscious. That said I’ve seen too many expat brats driving daddies Merc or mummies 4X4 as if they own the road.

Emiratisation
Sorry I’m gonna start with the stats again, but you need them to understand what Emiratisation is. UAE nationals or Emiratis account for only 20% of the population of Dubai, the rest are expatriate workers apparently there are 60,000 Brits here (it’s the weather in Blighty), but there are a lot more Indian, Pakistani and Filipinos. It’s a very simple fact if you don’t work you leave, unless of course you are very, very rich and can afford to live here. There are no state schools, dole or NHS for expatriates, though there is for UAE Nationals, so it’s a very expensive place for expats to live. Apparently there are 35,000 out of work Emiratis, Emiratisation is about replacing expats with these dole-ites! Now I’m all for this, nothing I dislike more than a scrounger, but it’s the way the Ministry of labour chooses the jobs that will be Emiratised that seriously pisses me off. Are the taxi drivers, construction workers or waiting staff being replaced with Nationals, hell no! Only those ‘cushier’ jobs the Emiratis want to do, heaven forbid they’d have to clean a toilette, they wont do their own never mind a hotel rooms.

The banking sector for example has to have 40% of their workforce Emirati; this creates a problem, because well there aren’t enough Nations with the experience to do some jobs. So what happens, and I’ve witnessed this when I worked here, is that you advertise a Management position, you look through the CVs of these kids just out of university who really believe they are entitled to a managerial position, when they’ve never even managed what they will wear each day never mind a team of people. But you HAVE TO EMPLOY AN EMIRATI, so you invite the more experienced ones to interview. If they turn up, they’re always late and it’s role reversal for the interview. I’m not interviewing them, they’re interviewing me to decide if they’ll take the job I’m gonna offer. When you decide who you’ll offer the job to, based primarily on the fact there’s only one candidate with any experience, you pass the info to the Emiratisation manager in HR. Most large companies will employ an Emiratisation manager to ensure they meet their Government targets and therefore are not fined or worse loose their trading licence. In my case this was a young Emirati, her sole responsibility is to convince other Emiratis to come and work for us. Well 2 days later she comes back with sorry he wont accept your salary, he wanted twice the monthly salary you’ve offered, meaning he’d be paid almost as much as the bleeding chairman – Nationals are VERY expensive to employ costing on average 2 to 3 times more than an expat. Naively I’d expected the Emiratisation manager to ‘sell’ the job to him as he’d be working for a huge multinational company with great prospects etc. But no; all she’d done was call him to make the job offer and tell him what we were willing to pay. Why have her then? I could just as easily have done that, as could any of the other HR staff. Anyway I talk to him, convince him to come on the original salary, and then set about showing the bloke what he’s being paid for. Of course he thinks he’s there to boss the rest of the team around, take credit for their hard work, hand out his shiny new business cards to all and sundry and do pretty much nothing else. Needless to say he didn’t last very long and the Emiratisation manager soon left to be replaced by an Indian national with much more HR experience.

So now the Ministry of labour has decided that all private companies have 18 months to replace every HR manager and secretary with a National. I’ve never met a national who can type 100 words a minute or take shorthand, and where all these Emirati HR managers are hiding is beyond me. I completely understand the Government wanting their own looked after and they should be, but come on be realistic about it. Surely it’s better to give grants to businesses to employ Nationals making them a more financially attractive alternative to expats? And start making culture changes so Nationals are willing to do more jobs, not just those the brain-dead civil servants think they should and are willing to work their way up the corporate ladder!

After re-reading this I wanted to temper my rant a bit. I don’t want you think I dislike Emiratis, that honestly could not be further from the truth. I’ve met some very hard-working, diligent and intelligent Nationals. If you make an effort to get to know them and show an interest in their heritage and culture they are so delighted it brings tears to my eyes. Their hospitality is world renowned and with good reason, try getting out of a locals home without being so well fed and watered you can barely move. Again I’ve made some generalisations in my post and it must be remembered that though Dubai is a very old trading post, the UAE is a very young country and only a few generations ago most Emiratis were bedouin. The pace of change here has been astronomical and with oil wealth much has come to these people in a very short time, so much that they want everything and now, especially the younger generations. It appears no-one is willing to work their way up the corporate ladder learning the business and earning their status. I mean not to cause offence and Emiratisation is absolutely required, but for the sake of the future of Dubai shway, shway…..

Poor service and Big fat liars
The service you receive everywhere in Dubai except hotels is most of the time shocking, sometimes dire and rarely good. Taxis are one great example if you call to book a taxi for a specific time it never turns up. So instead you call when you want one, well good luck, it can take anything from 5 minutes to a couple of hours for your cab to arrive. The biggest issue is that you’ve no idea when it may arrive, trying to get anywhere for a specific time is a complete lottery. Whilst the cab driver may be polite and efficient the booking staff you speak to are as much use as a chocolate teapot, they refuse to tell you how long your taxi will take, they are quite honestly the most unhelpful people you could wish to not meet!

Another side to the poor service is people who tell you what they think you want to hear, it’s almost as if people are afraid to tell the truth, if something will take a week to be done, they’ll say three days. Needless to say that will drive anyone mad. The best example was the beach road beautification project. In the local paper the head-honcho was questioned about the completion date. It was due for the end of January 2006 and anyone with half a brain could tell it was way behind schedule. Instead of admitting this he announced in the press that they would complete on time as they were re-doubling their efforts and working more shifts. Well it is now July 2nd 2006 and beach road is still not finished!

Construction
It feels like the whole of Dubai is under construction, cranes are the main feature of the skyline, from the airport to the Marina to the sea and everywhere in between. With man-made islands, the tallest tower in the world, the largest shopping mall in the world, and over 300,000 new apartments due for completion over the next 18 months it’s not surprising. New roads are being built, normally after the houses or apartments causing major traffic headaches, new bridges over the creek and Sheikh Zayed Road and thank god a light railway, MRT kinda thing. As a consequence the whole city as bathed in concrete dust and sand, churned up by the heavy plant. I look from our 31st floor window and can see the mist-like veil that encompasses the city. I’ve no idea who will live in these 300,000 apartments as all the expats are loosing the jobs due to Emiratisation, except of course the construction workers and toilet cleaners. Unfortunately their 400 dirham a month salary won’t stretch to a Jumeirah Beach Residence studio.

Treatment of workers
Now this is one thing I see red most at. From construction workers to housemaids, from petrol pump attendants to supermarket checkout staff, from waiters to street sweepers, the conditions some of these people live and work in are quite frankly atrocious. Not only are they paid a pittance, some are housed in labour camps. If that term brings to mind POWs then you’d not be far from imagining the situation some of these people endure. Portacabins with 12 – 14 men per room, little or no air conditioning and no privacy. Strikes and protests are becoming more common as workers demand better treatment. Recently workers protested at a labour camp as they had no water! Can you imagine? These men work 10 – 12 hour days outside in blistering temperatures and when they return to their ‘homes’ there is no water.

Housemaids are treated like slaves, they don’t get a day off, they work 24/7 cooking cleaning, doing the laundry and babysitting, they get paid peanuts, are rarely provided food and in some cases must pay their employer to live in their room! They are beaten, made to pay for any damages and even replace the vacuum when it gives up! If they complain they are thrown out with little chance of getting home as they’ve no money and most cases have had their passports taken for safe keeping by their employer.

The general public talk to their waiter, the petrol pump attendant, the checkout girl etc. as if they are vermin. Rarely is eye contact made and as for P&Qs forget it, the most they’ll get is a grunt. If their dinner is not completely to their satisfaction expect a tirade of abuse directed at the poor waiter. Now don’t think for one minute that these people can complain and have their abusers banged up for a month, it doesn’t work that way. These kinds of jobs have no status and therefore no rights, so they must put up and shut up.

I’ve made some generalisations here, there obviously are exceptions, the housemaid who is treated like one of the family, the construction worker or chambermaid who lives in nice clean air conditioned staff accommodation. Actually on the whole hotel staff are very well treated by their employers if not their customers! But they really are the exception, most workers especially construction workers are treated worse than I would treat a rabid dog. These poor men are exploited before and after they arrive; I heard a story about construction workers being recruited in India. They are told that if they say they are an electrician or a plumber they will be paid 1000 + dirhams per month, and they will have their wages docked for the first year or so to pay for their flight and work permit, it costs around 6000 dirhams for a workers visa. When they arrive already in more debt than they can imagine it is obvious that they are not skilled so will only be paid 450 dirhams per month as a labourer. At that rate it will take them over one year with no salary just to pay for their work permit! Where to these men work? Surely for some small unscrupulous tyrant with no power or prestige? No, at Dubai international airport!!! Remember that the next time you book your dream holiday to luxurious Dubai.

Crazy justice
Like most places it seems not a day goes by without you reading about someone being jailed for breaking the law. But what constitutes breaking the law and the sentences given here are to me anyway, crazy; it just doesn’t make sense or seem logical to me. Now I know I’m living in a Muslim country that is subject to Sharia law and please don’t think I’m having a pop at Islam, I AM NOT! There are the usual rapes and murders, infrequent compared to most cities and not very widely reported but they happen, drugs are another go to straight to jail card as they should be, but a month in prison for swearing at someone? Very recently an American bloke so frustrated at the developers of his expensive new home lost his temper. He’d had problems that were supposed to have been fixed, he like me was not happy at being lied to and the general poor level of service he’d received. When he visited the developers office for the umpteenth time to complain he just couldn’t take the lack of ownership, responsibility and general disregard for sorting his problem and snapped. He verbally abused the poor (and I use this term ironically) Customer Service Representative and swore at her. I’m not condoning what he did, I’ve worked in the customer service sector and had more than my fair share of irate customers, but I can completely sympathise with his situation. That said, he was wrong, but a month in jail? A bit on the harsh side I think, especially when you compare the sentences given to a group of young men who gang raped a woman, they got a year each!!!! So raping someone as 12 times as bad as swearing at someone??? See what I mean about logical!

You are imprisoned for issuing a rubber cheque, ok that’s not a very good thing to do, but the banks take a blank signed cheque from you as a guarantee for a loan. If you default on the loan they cash the cheque for the total amount owed, of course you don’t have the money for one months payment so you’ll not have enough for the entire amount; the cheque gets bounced and hey presto, the police knock at your door and you’re off to jail! The unfortunate welders working on the roof of the Oasis centre were jailed as they were the cause of the blaze that destroyed it. They were not arsonists just poorly trained and unsupervised. The one that did me more than anything was the tale of 2 British women who were raped. They got into what they thought was a taxi, it turned out to be the journey from hell, 2 men sexually molested one woman and raped the other. The women, both married reported this hideous crime. The perpetrators were arrested, convicted and jailed. One woman left the UAE, she couldn’t bare to live here anymore. The other woman who chose to stay was then arrested and jailed for adultery! The courts did eventually see reason and release the woman but please???? How can you even think of arresting the victim of rape for having sex with the rapist? If that’s not crazy I’ve no idea what is….

I had to add to this post as in the last few days several high profile cases have been reported in the press. The drunk driver who killed a 30 something year old was sentenced to 4 months, a property swindler who conned millions from investors was given 30 years, and an American R&B star was sentenced to 4 years for carrying 1.2grammes of cocaine on his way to Niomi Campbell’s 3 day birthday bash at the Burj. He was pardoned just hours after his conviction and left Dubai the same day, and so the crazy continues….

Wedding woes….

As you know his nibs and I were engaged and for some time we’d been talking about actually getting hitched. We’d already had 2 dates that we’d had to cancel; we’d actually booked a holiday for that idyllic beach wedding, first in the Seychelles and then Mauritius. Due to, lets just say, delayed paperwork, we had to first postpone then cancel these plans! So we looked at the possibility of getting married here in Dubai. Well as non-Muslims we cannot have a civil ceremony, that’s the thing that surprised me most; I’d have thought that they would prohibit other religious ceremonies not a civil one. It’s just another example of the strange rules that are a part of everyday Dubai life. The only way for us to get married here was in Holy Trinity C of E Church.

Though I’m Church of England and Christened, I’m a devout atheist, as is his nibs (he’s even worse a Catholic atheist!). We didn’t want a church wedding, but it was Hobsons’ choice really, so with the Zappy Explorer in our hands we headed to Holy Trinity. There we met with the vicar, a rather genial bloke who ‘interviewed’ us about our relationship. Though I didn’t admit to being an atheist, I’m not stupid I know he would have sent us packing in a heartbeat; I couldn’t lie to the man. So when he asked if I wanted a church wedding I answered honestly, that I’d prefer a civil one but had no option. That was the cue for his mission to bring us both back into the fold. We left the vicar with a list of documents he required, his promise to restore our faith and no intention of ever returning!

Bring on the great wedding search…. We looked on the internet at other places to tie the knot, India, France, Italy, almost the entire world, they all required residency for a specific time and signed permission from the Pope, the Queen, the Canadian embassy etc, etc, etc! I had a trip to the UK planned and even though we’d been adamant that our wedding would be just the two of us, no family or friends, it looked like Blighty was our only option. So I called the registrar in Liverpool. She very politely told me that we’d need to be in the UK for at least 3 weeks. Where could we just call in get hitched and leave? Ah ha… at last a Eureka moment….Las Vegas…… I thought it would be cool to go to the little wedding chapel and be married by a Chinese Elvis impersonator. Well his nibs was not too keen on the idea, so suggested New York, no where near as far and Emirates had just started a direct flight there. So after a bit of investigation we discovered that bless the good old U S of A, they need only ID and in New York 24 hours later you’re husband and wife. In typical his nibs style, the same day the flights and hotel were booked, and 3 days later just over 2 weeks after our last holiday we flew to New York for another!

Boxes and well more boxes….

February 2006 Just a week after our return from the Maldives the sad day to leave our villa approached and the packers arrived on mass. Of course his nibs was out of the country….. All our stuff was to go into storage, and we were moving to temporary accommodation. Almost three days it took them to disassemble our things and pack them in paper and cardboard and boxes and yet more boxes. We did take some things to our new Marina apartment but not much. The worst thing about the whole move was the lists… We had to list EVERYTHING that was packed for insurance purposes, it really hits home how much stuff you manage to hoard. We had 188 packages, some the size of a bed, others the size of a dining table and many many you guessed it….boxes…. The team of 6 packers really knew their stuff and for the first time in Dubai I was impressed at the service and the hard labour the guys put in. I just hope the un-packers at the other end are as efficient.

Ocean Dancer

The start of 2006 was a very busy time for us so the first thing we just had to do was go on holiday. We’d booked a weeks diving on a liveaboard in the Maldives, if you don’t know a liveaboard is it’s just that; you live aboard a boat for your holiday rather than one of the desert island resorts. I’ll not go into detail but it was the most amazing holiday I’ve ever had, and I managed to keep up my traditional of being in a different country for my birthday. To read more about our holiday go to http://oceandancertales.blogspot.com/

The boat we lived on, beauty isn't it?

Ma as-salaamah Dubai

I know this post will bugger up the order I’ve so diligently tried to keep, but it wont be very appropriate in a few weeks time, as I’ll not be able to update my blog for a while I’m posting it now……

After 2 years living here I say ciao to Dubai. I can’t honestly say I’m sad to leave as apart from the climate (well 8 months of the year anyway) there’s not much else I’ll miss. I’m sure that in a few months I’ll look back with fond memories but right now I can’t wait to leave the inequality and hypocrisy of the place. Thankfully our minds ability to suppress the not so good is quite remarkable. Three years after leaving India, and two years after leaving Malaysia I look back with such fond memories at the times I spent there. Even though I know there were things that drove me mad and I disliked, I have a very hard time remembering what they were. It seems my subconscious can only access the fun, happy and great times I spent, mostly I remember laughing, and the only bad bits I recall are attached to funny events or stories that I smile or laugh at now. Inshaallah, I’ll feel the same about Dubai in the future.

There is however one thing I will miss more than anything else and am very sad to be leaving behind, and that’s my friends here. I have met some truly wonderful people in the last two years, and though we’ve said we’ll keep in touch I said the same to the friends I made in India and Malaysia. At first you call or email regularly but after a while it becomes less and less frequent. This makes me sound a tad shallow and a bad friend, but I did make many friends, I’m a very sociable person and it’s not easy to keep up with all of them especially when they’re dotted around the globe. The few really close friends I made I have kept in touch with and do still see, though not as often as I’d like. The same has happened here in Dubai I’ve made lots of great friends and just two really close friends who I will miss terribly, and that’s Jo and Pam.

I have been so very lucky to meet these two fantastic girls, they supported me when I first arrived and through the bad times, especially with my operation. They delighted in my happiness with his nibs and our wedding, though a bit miffed they weren’t there! They’ve been surrogate sisters and best mates when mine where back in Blighty, whenever I needed them they were there for me. Until I met these women I thought you could only have one or two ‘bests mates’, now I know that’s not the case. There are some people in life you meet that you should do everything in your power to keep there; Jo and Pam are such people. Though I’ll not see them often or speak as much as we do now, they will always be a part of my life as I will never let these friendships slide. All it really takes is a bit of effort.

So to all the friends and acquaintances I’ve made in Dubai, thanks for the stories and making my stay here fun and memorable. To Jo and Pam, thanks for being the truly great women you are, for your friendship, your company, your support and mostly for the great times and laughs we’ve shared. I will miss you more than you know and love you both! XXX

A quickish guide to Dubai

As we will be very shortly leaving Dubai his nibs suggested that I write a quick guide to Dubai, that’s not so easy for me I don’t do quick stories! This is a list of the things you should do, watch out for or be aware of if you visit. First and foremost is construction, the travel agents rarely tell you that your holiday destination looks like London after the blitz, but there are more cranes in Dubai than in the whole of Europe. That should give you an idea of the amount of construction going on here, roads, railways, airports, shopping malls, offices and apartments are all being simultaneously built in almost every part of the city. This shouldn’t spoil your trip, but depending on where you stay it may disturb your sleep as they work 24 hours a day. It also means that the city is bathed in dust, so don’t expect vivid blue skies, it always looks hazy and if you suffer with allergies, can make for a teary eyed stay. The only other real effect construction has is on the roads; the sheer volume of slow moving construction traffic can clog the cities streets. This leads nicely into my next point the traffic.

Traffic here is shocking, getting from one side of the city to another can take an age, especially in Deira and Bur Dubai. Again this should not deter you unless you have absolutely no patience. Just be wary of the blurb that says your hotel is 10 minutes from this or that; it may well be an honest time when the roads are clear and they are clear from about 2am to 6 am! My advice would be to ask the hotel staff how long it should take to get to wherever at a particular time as it’s often the time you travel that makes the difference, e.g. it takes around 25 minutes to get from the Jumeirah beach hotel to the Dubai Museum in Bur Dubai at 9.30 am, but the same journey at 5pm would take more than an hour.

The Dubai Museum is a must, small on the outside but tardis like, its surprisingly large inside as most of it is underground, it is a fascinating look at this part of the world. Get off the beach and out of the malls for a day and discover a bit about the history of the place you’re visiting. Whilst you’re in the vicinity walk down through the textile souk to the Creek. Explore the Bur Dubai side, and then take an Abra (water taxi) across to the Deira side. There walk along the creek side as dozens of Dhows unload their wares. If it’s not yet moved to the newly built out of town mall, check out the gold souk and barter for a diamond. It’s a nice day out that will give you a small flavour of real Dubai rather than the sterile hotels and fake shopping malls.

For a bit of wet fun there’s always Wild Wadi water park, though a much larger and better water park can be found about an hours drive away at Dreamland Aquapark in Umm Al Qaiwain. It’s cheaper has more food options and less queues! For dryer fun take one of the desert safaris, the best option is the evening safari with dune bashing and dinner. Though make sure you book with a reputable company as you will be engaging in some dangerous driving, well you won’t actually drive, but you need to make sure your driver knows what he’s doing. After the rollercoaster dune bashing which is so much fun you’ll head to a Bedouin style tent for dinner and belly dancing. It’s a really great evening out.

If you’re here for a longer stay then head out to the Sharjah Natural History Museum and Desert Park. Just over an hour away it provides you with a chance to learn about the flora, fauna and wildlife of the Arabian Desert. It’s a zoo of kinds and though on the whole I dislike zoos this one has been very carefully planned and the animals appear well cared for. On the same topic avoid Dubai Zoo at all costs, it’s not for the fainthearted as the poor creatures there are not so well cared for. Abu Dhabi the capital of the UAE is well worth the couple of hours it takes to get there. The corniche is an 8 KM walk by the coast and in the cooler winter months an absolute joy.

Of course there are the shopping malls; one that gets little attention these days and has only been open one year is Ibn Battuta. It tends to be less busy than Wafi or Mall of the Emirates even though you’ll find many of the same shops, so it’s well worth a visit. They also have the fantastic Lime Tree café for coffee and the best carrot cake in the world, and Finz restaurant; the best food you’ll ever eat in a shopping mall. The only downside is they’re not licensed, shame really as nice bottle of South African wine would make the place perfect. A word of warning about shopping here, Dubai sells its self as a shopping Mecca, well for sheer volume it may be, but it’s not inexpensive. By that I mean if you’re expecting to come here for great bargains think again. Even during the shopping festivals the sale prices are rarely that cheap, especially when it comes to UK stores, I find that the sale price here is the same as full price back in Blighty. I know this because they have the price in pounds still on the labels. You can find some bargains on electronics but make sure you know exactly what you want to buy and have researched the prices at home or on the net. So many of my friends have found it more expensive here than back home.

Great bars that are worth a visit; Long bar at the Towers Rotana on SKR, Buddha Bar at the Grosvenor House, Vitage at Wafi Pyramids, Ginseng at the Planet Hollywood complex Wafi, the Irish Village at Dubai Tennis Sadium Al Garhoud and the Barasti bar at Le Merdien Mina Seyahi. Remember that weekends here are Thursday Friday or Friday Saturday so the busiest nights tend to be Wednesday and Thursday. For good food try Mezzanine at the Grosvenor house, Spectrum on One at the Fairmont, Medzo at Wafi Pymaids, The Dhow and Anchor at Jumeirah Beach Hotel and Seville’s at the Planet Hollywood complex Wafi. There are many great unlicensed places for food, try Shakespeare at Park and Shop on Al Wasl Road, Maria Bonita’s Taco shop Al Sheif Road, The Rupee Room and Chandelier at Dubai Marina. Like most places Dubai’s happening nightlife changes rapidly, so it’s worth picking up Time Out Dubai magazine when you arrive. It will give you the low-down on where to go for food and drink whatever takes your fancy.

What to pack? Well most places have a smart casual dress code; it’s easy for us locals to spot the tourists as they’re normally far more dressed up than we are. Jeans and nice top are the norm for a night out, even clubbing. So unless you wanna stick out like a sore thumb or have a posh do to go to don’t bring your party frocks! Please remember this is a Muslim country and although you do see very short, shorts, belt like skirts and tiny tops, it’s normally ‘working girls’ who are wearing them. So if you chose to dress that way expect an awful lot of stares. Much better, especially when in the malls or exploring the creek to wear a t-shirt and something a bit closer to the knee in length, it’s only respectful after all. The air conditioning in most places is sub-zero and in winter evenings can get a bit cool so you’ll need a cardigan, shawl or light jacket to keep out the chill. The most important thing… a high factor sun lotion. You will not believe the number of lobsters we see here, the temperature may seem pleasant at it’s very often hazy, but let me tell you the sun is much stronger than it is in the Mediterranean, you will burn without lots and lots of protection, so be warned….

And finally…. If you have the money I would highly recommend a couple of nights at Al Maha Desert Resort and Spa. It’s no good if you have the kids with you, but for a romantic, relaxing and completely indulgent treat its well worth it. Tag a couple of nights onto the end of your stay, and you will leave all the more relaxed and rejuvenated.

Expat parties, Abu Dhabi and other explorations

Keen to keep my dad happy, we drove the hour or so to Abu Dhabi. Abu Dhabi the largest and capitol of the Emirates, is a great city. No where near as brash or flash as its more famous neighbour it has a class sadly lacking in Dubai. We headed to the recently opened Emirates Palace Hotel for lunch. For someone who lives in Dubai home to more 5 star hotels than anywhere else I’m not easily impressed, but this was truly an imposing hotel. Not quite my cup of tea, it’s a bit impersonal and has much wasted space in my opinion, that said lunch was lovely. After eating we headed to a shopping mall because heaven knows there are not enough of them in Dubai!! After a quick look-see, we left and walked along the corniche. Now this is what is really missing in Dubai, a short distance from the city centre the wonderfully engineered Abu Dhabi Corniche runs for 8km along the island’s mangrove-fringed and white sandy shores. We strolled passed fountains, roller-bladers and families enjoying the winter sun, at the other end we stopped for a cold beer at the Sheraton hotel. The leisurely stroll had taken almost two hours and as we still had to drive back to Dubai we took a cab back to the car. This is another great thing about Abu - the cabs, there are hundreds of them and almost without exception the drivers are a friendly bunch. Ours was particularly friendly and proceeded to give my dad and his nibs advice on looking after their women, he was a riot and a really nice guy, of course he was tipped accordingly. We headed back home and later when I asked mum if dad had enjoyed his holiday (my dad is the most stoic man you could ever meet) he said his favourite day was in Abu and the walk along the Corniche.

Mum and Dad at Emirates Palace Hotel, and views of the Corniche





















Another great day out if you’re ever in Dubai is Hatta Pools. The pools are actually in Oman but you’d never know as there’s no border crossing, about 15 kilometres from the town of Hatta it’s a wadi though at one point the wadi becomes a gorge, with a 2-metre-high waterfall tumbling into a deep pool. A big draw for locals it’s a really beautiful place to visit, though in the winter months you must be careful were you picnic. We’d packed a cool box full of goodies and headed there for the day, the weather was perfect and we had great fun exploring. Dad of course tried to assist mother nature in her eroding of the mountains by throwing stones to cause landslides, fortunately he failed and we left the place pretty much as we found it.

Us exploring Hatta Pools......





















His nibs good mate Steve was having a party at home, the blokes were invited to play pool on his table and the ladies were to be pampered by a couple of manicurists. I desperately wanted to play pool, but had to (at least) start the night with the girls. As I’ve said my dad is stoic, it takes a bit of effort to get to know him, so I was a bit concerned that he’d feel out of place with a bunch of expat blokes knowing only his (soon to be) son-in-law, and he didn’t really know his nibs that well really. However it didn’t take much for dad to get to know his new buddies, just a six pack or two! As the pool upstairs became more boisterous, the manicuring downstairs became more boring for me anyway (I’m too much of a lad at times!) mum was however enjoying her first manicure so I headed upstairs paid my money and joined the pool game! Fortunately whilst not a very good pool player I can just about hold my own and in the killer version we were playing was not the first to be eliminated; man was I pleased! Eventually we had to leave and dad happily shook hands with all his new mates whilst planning the next boys night out, meanwhile mum and I flagged down a cab to take us home.

To reciprocate for Steve and his wife Theresa’s hospitality we’d invited them over for a traditional Sunday lunch. Now I’m sure many of you will disagree with me here but my mum does the best Sunday lunch on the planet, as you know I need to learn a few more kitchen skills so with mum supervising I cooked a roast beef dinner. With the exception of the Yorkshire puddings it was a resounding success and thoroughly enjoyed by all. After feeding we headed out to the patio to enjoy a balmy January evening in the Middle East. Steve and Theresa stayed till the wee small hours, only leaving when we’d run out of whisky and beer! Now that’s the sign of a great night! It was also unfortunately the end of my parents stay but on that high note they headed back to a dull and dark January in Blighty!

Another Christmas, welcome 2006 and entertaining dad

After Christmas with my sister and her kids my parents arrived in Dubai for two weeks. For a month beforehand mum was so excited about their trip our Jaki got a bit miffed; all mum talked about was her flight to Dubai on Boxing Day and how she couldn’t wait. Christmas is hard work for mum, all the build up, shopping, cleaning cooking etc. For years she’s been saying how she’d like to get away for Christmas but never has, and I don’t think she will as long as her dad’s still around, and may that be a long time! So the compromise was New Year with us in Dubai. We planned another Christmas lunch with them, though this one would be more Quebecois influenced. His nibs cooked tourtiere du lac st-jean, a meat pie to you and me; it could have fed half of Quebec it was so big! Though it was nice dad is even harder to feed than me and was less than impressed, respect to him though, he cleaned his plate. We opened yet more pressies; I think my family wanted to make up for me not being there by buying me lots of them. Not quite sure about the feather duster and rubber gloves they bought me though! We then spent a couple of days relaxing, before New Years Eve.


We’d decided on a quiet new years eve at home. Jo, her hubby Dave and their kids came around and camped in our garden, of course the kids thought this was great. Mum and I made a traditional Lancashire hot pot, a feature of most of my childhood new years, and we sat outside on the terrace watching the kids swim. By midnight the kids were fast asleep and the adults headed to the roof of our villa; there we’d have a great view of the Burj and its firework display. A cold bottle of bubbly was opened and as the fireworks lit the Arabian sky we sang ‘Auld Lang Syne’, gave each other a kisses and hugs, and toasted the end of 2005 and the start of 2006. The Burj at night...

I was a bit worried that 2 weeks here and with no Megan and Macaulay to keep him busy, my dad would get a bit bored, and so I booked a night in Musandam. It would kill two birds with one stone; I needed to do a visa run and it would be a change of scenery for dad. So on January 2nd we headed to Oman. You’ve heard about Khasab before so I’ll not repeat myself, this time however we took the more scenic coast road so we could stop for lunch at the Al Hamra Fort hotel in Ras Al Khaimah. RAK as it’s known is another of the Emirates, much less developed than Dubai it has a sleepy quality that’s a great counterbalance to the hectic Dubai. We stopped for lunch at the 5 star resort which was designed as an Arabian Fort and has a beautiful beach, though it was a bit breezy in January! After lunch we headed to the Golden Tulip where we were spending the night.

Al Hamra Fort Hotel RAK

Once at the hotel we headed to bar for a bite to eat, a few beers and a game of darts. Mum’s not a bad player she used to play for a local pub team, dad’s ok, much better than his nibs and I, so we played doubles; me and dad against his nibs and mum. I’ve no idea who won, just that it was fun any very competitive (I’ll bet his nibs could tell you who won, he’s sooooo competitive). The next morning his nibs went diving, I’d decided to spend the morning with the folks on a Dhow cruising the Fiords. We had a great time chasing dolphins who appeared very happy to ‘play’ with the dhows, then stopped for an hour to snorkel. Mum stayed dry and laughed at me putting my wetsuit on, but I new the water would be a bit chilly, as proved by dad only spending 15 minutes in there before getting out. We met up with his nibs back at the hotel and took the more direct route back to Dubai.

Mum and Dad on the Dhow

A White (hot) Christmas…

Christmas 2005 appeared and for the first time I would not be with my family on the actual day. I was a bit apprehensive about this, would I be miserable without them I wondered. The previous Christmas had been the best I’d had in a long time. It was the first time in probably 10 years that our Jaki and I had been at home for Christmas Eve; we shared the blow-up-bed and did more giggling than her 8 and 6 year old kids. It was me and Jaki who were up first and in a flashback to our childhood, ran into our parents room at around 6 am, jumping on the bed and asking if Father Christmas had been. Mum thought it hilarious dad was less impressed! So this year waking up in our villa with just me and his nibs in the house would be a bit strange for me. That said, we had made a big deal, our tree looked wonderful, though the Quebecois Christmas tunes his nibs played when we decorated it did not get me in the festive spirit, more folksongy than Slades’ ‘It’s Christmaaaaaaaas’.

We’d been invited to Jo’s for Christmas lunch; she had a houseful, more the kind of day I’m used to. Due to the numbers she had, everyone had been asked to bring something and we’d been tasked with the ham. His nibs took this on with his usual gusto, he was making coca-cola ham, cranberry sauce, traditional Quebecois ketchup and god knows what else. We spent a couple of days in the kitchen mostly me cleaning up and pealing, you know I’m not up to much else! Jars and jars of ketchup and cranberry sauce were produced, the ham was soaked in coke and crusted with breadcrumbs, my only contribution to the cooking, the rather large measure of Grand Marnier in the cranberry sauce; this may be my first Christmas in Arabia but it would definitely not be halal!

After a quiet morning relaxing and of course opening our pressies, we loaded the car and headed to the mad-house that was Jo’s. Lunch was amazing, even if Mags cheated by getting a local hotel to deliver the turkey stuffed, cooked and sliced! Several hours later after too much very good food and wine his nibs and I headed home, once there I enjoyed the usual Christmas day family movie; this year the Wizard of Oz and after skipping around the room singing ‘We’re off to see the wizard’ I collapsed into that other traditional Christmas pastime; a drunken stupor on the couch. Why was I worried? It was just like a very warm version of every Christmas I’d known!

Jo enjoying a glass of wine outside, the masses dig into their lovely dinner...

Corporate wife perks….

His nibs works for Volvo and each year in December they have an importer conference for the Middle East. In 2005 it was held in Dubai at Al Maha, you’ve heard all about the place in my ‘More Spoiling’ post so I won’t bore you with the details again. Fortunately wives were allowed for this conference, okay technically I was not a wife but near as damn it and there was no way I was not going! His nibs had to work though – shame….. me and the other wives however did not! So we enjoyed a walk about with one of the rangers to see the horses. We were planning on riding until we spoke to the ranger. You see all of the horses are retired Arabian race horses, endurance racing, and if you are not a very capable horse-woman you’ve no chance of controlling the beasts. As soon as they catch another horse in their sights they’re off and not a lot will stop them. The ranger told us an amusing but scary story of a Japanese tourist who’d come off his horse. This tourist was no more a rider than me, but he lied when asked about his experience and told them he was a jockey in Japan. Thinking they were giving him the ride of his life the rangers set him up with the fastest horse they had. The minute the poor man was on its back the horse took off into the desert. Over an hour later the tourist was found having been thrown from his ride, not seriously injured but very sunburnt and dehydrated after his time in the desert. The horse, well he took a few more hours to find.

A facial and massage seemed a much better option so I booked in at the spa. Whilst his nibs and colleagues slaved in the conference centre I lay back and drifted on a white fluffy cloud having my treatments. The food was amazing, the booze free-flowing and the rooms to die for. The best bit; all of this was free… See there are perks to being a corporate wife!